Sunday, December 18, 2011

another thought

i was once upon a time a debater
all through secondary school
*plus the very early year in ukm*
i was always the 3rd speaker
*i tried becoming the 1st speaker once, but it was a COMPLETE disaster*
so it had always been a pleasure to me to whip people around

but not today

these days
i watched and listened people around me giving snide comments on some heart-pouring session i had a week plus ago
i saw them giving me faces
calling me all the names in the books
saying how wrong i was

but i dont feel like fighting back
in fact
i felt nothing

as far as i am concern
i didnt use rude words
i didnt mention names
not even initials

so if any of you out there thinks i wrote about any particular person
you yourself must have your own reasons

i am terribly sorry for not having the gut to tell anyone anything personally
yup..that's my mistake

but if you dont think that i was talking about you
you should have no reason in the world to feel anything
shouldnt you?

yours sincerely,

p/s :
kata org melayu, siapa yang makan cili, dia yang terasa pedas nya
jadi izinkan saya bertanya, kenapa perlu yang tak makan cili tu beria-ia mencari air?

Saturday, December 10, 2011


" The truth is incontrovertible.
Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it.
But in the end, there it is "

Winston Churchill

Thursday, December 8, 2011

just a thought - from a friend to another


to be honest
you are one of the people yang i look high upon
once upon a time, this thought about you pernah came across my mind
" least ada org melayu yang boleh jd leader"

but then 
this few weeks sort of open my eyes about you
and this thought pulak yang came across my mind
"kalau diri sendiri pun xbole nk pimpin, mcm mne nk jd leader utk org lain"

allow me to be frank
i have always thought that entering med school is one of the things in life that i can never thank God enough
and that leads me into becoming who i am today
some might consider me skema dan yang sewaktu dgnnya
i felt terrible when i failed to attend any form of class
be it just the trivial morning rounds
or even going to observe operations where sometimes i didnt know what was happening at all!!

then again
some individuals simply skip all this routines
which surprise surprise!
includes YOU

i have been observing people all around me
and some are known to be just like that
skipping classes and all
but to include you in that group of people was somehow embarrassing!!

you skipped ward rounds
you didnt attend clinic sessions
you failed to be present at the operation theatres
you denied responsibilities given to you

allow me to asked you then,
what is your purpose of entering med school??

it may sound harsh
but to be honest
you definitely didnt deserve your place you are in right now
and if you accidentally graduated as a medical doctor
i dont think you will be a good one

people say he's in love
give him space and time to love and feel loved
to enjoy whatever feeling he's been losing himself in

you know what,
i'm in love too
i have been in love for the past 4 years and 10 months
and you know what
i have never skipped any class

grow up man!!
you are an adult
take control of your life as you should be doing
fine if you're in love
congratulations i would say
but remember that love is just one small tiny little part of your life
there's more to it
and you need to recognize that before it's too late

and if this love of yours let you be who you are now
supporting you skipping classes and all
ruining your reputation
making you lose all the respects you have had before
then she might not be in love with you after all
she probably doesnt deserve you at all

if you're reading this, whoever you are
think about it

yours sincerely,

Monday, October 17, 2011



it had been a while since a posted anything about my exams
as far as i remember the last exam review i did was when i was in 2nd year
2 years later 
i'm going to review another paper i just answered earlier today


as any sane people would have expected
examination will definitely filled with ambiguousness
questions with multiple possible answers

today's paper was another example
but the ambiguousness was extremely unbearable
*probably because i did not know what to answer i supposed*
nevertheless, i still want to rant here!!

it was the KFQ part
*KFQ stands for key feature question*

in psychiatry paper
there were 5 KFQs
so in a simple review :

no 1. quite direct question on bulimia nervosa, the reason for diagnosis, the treatment, and what not
no 2. a little difficult question on anxiety disorder, how to differentiate with costochondritis, and the treatment
no 3. *save this for a longer review after this*
no 4. a man with alcohol withdrawal with delirium and visual hallucination of a dinosaur plunging towards him
no 5. a quite simple question of schizophrenia and things associated with it 

now, moving on to the most ambiguous question i've ever answered

this was how the question
*more or less*

a 21-years old clerk was brought to casualty dept because sudden aggressive behaviour in which he threw stones at the window panes of his office. it was about a few minutes when he later was noted to be confused and kept to himself. he had similar episodes before this which preceeded by mouth-chewing and jerky movements of the limbs

he did not realised anything that had happened at all. all he remembered was buzzing sounds in his ears prior to losing his consciousness

q1 . what is you provisional diagnosis?

i was like, WHAT??
ape ni?mcm xpernah dgr je
maybe some of my friends are familiar with the scenario
but definitely not me
but it did not end there

q2. what is your differential diagnosis?

how am i supposed to come out with differentials when i cannot even think about the provisional

q3. give four reasons to support your provisional diagnosis

my goodness!!
this definitely not going towards the right direction
reasons for provisional??
i dont even have one for the love of god!!

q4. list 3 biological investigations relevant in this patient

u asked for it
i'll list down whatever investigations that came across my mind and have things to do with the mind
it's psychiatry afterall, isn't it??

q5. what is the most useful drug that can be used to treat this condition?

there you go
treating something i dont even have a single idea about
what should i prescribed then?
perhaps anti-psychotics?
or mood stabilizers?

luckily the question ends there
and i spent 30 minutes staring at that question
ONLY staring

oh my goodness

thank god it's over
in my mind at that moment
what if this is a real-life situation?
what if i was the medical officer attending this patient?
if i was in a secondary or tertiary hospital
i probably can consult my specialist or consultant or whoever more experienced
but what if i was the only medical officer in a district hospital?
what then??


let's not think about that just yet
and focus on the next paper tomorrow

help me dear god

Saturday, October 15, 2011



 "so excuse me forgetting, but these things i do
you see i've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
anyway the thing is what i really mean
yours are the sweetest eyes i've ever seen"


"you've saved my life, now maybe it's my turn to save yours
but i can never repay you, what you did to me was way more"


"aku manusia lemah, selalu terjatuh
berbeda aku darimu, kau berdiri teguh
aku serba tiada, aku kekurangan
dan bila kau tiba, aku hilang dari kewujudan"


"and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
when you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?"


"when the evening shadows and the stars appear
and there is no one there to dry your tears
i could hold you for a million years
to make you feel my love"


p/s : just some random music in my playlist

happy.exam.everyone ^_^


*somewhere inside my mental apparatus*

mr.Id : let's do something movie perhaps?
mr.Superego : nadhira, go read your have your psychiatry paper in less than 48 hours..dont waste your time for god sake!!
mr.Id : chill superego..nadhira had been reading all week..
mr.Superego : no she did not!!she hasnt read enough!!
mr.Id : she did!!!
mr.Superego : if you are so sure, then tell me the differences between neuroleptic malignant syndrome and serotonin toxicity syndrome and give me the immediate management for lithium toxicity
mr.Ego : errrrr......
mr.Superego : see!!told you she hasnt read enough yet!!
mr.Ego : okay folks..lets do some reading
mr.Id : fine!!!

just some hallucinations of mine :)

happy exam everyone!!
best of luck


~ posted with love using BlogPress from my iPad

Monday, October 10, 2011



dalam perjalanan ke Ikea ptg semalam bersama-sama kakak, abg izhar dan mikhail .super.adorable.

kakak : mikhail pg duk blakang dgn aya..baca satu sampai sepuluh

mikhail .super.adorable. pun berpindah ke belakang

saya : oke mikhail..jom baca satu smpi sepuluh

saya : satu
mikhail : atu
saya : dua
mikhail : iga
saya : empat
mikhail : pat
saya : lima
mikhail : nam
saya : tujuh
mikhail : joh
saya : lapan
mikhail : apan
saya : sembilan
mikhail : puluh

saya : kak, apesal ade nombor die lompat2?
kakak : memang mcm tu..ade nombor die xnk sebut

saya : oh..mcm tu..oke..sekarang bace one to ten pulak..jom mikhail..ikut aya baca

saya : one
mikhail : one
saya : two
mikhail : car!car!car! *sambil tunjuk2 kereta kt luar*
saya : oke..mikhail..two..
mikhail : aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

saya : oke..da malas..xpyh baca da

mikhail .super.adorable. senyum and terus pg depan kacau abg izhar bawak kereta :)

comel sangat!!!

~ posted with love using BlogPress from my iPad

Friday, September 30, 2011



here's a serious post for tonight
not that serious actually
just some medical thingy i was explained to this morning
and i feel like sharing it with everyone
so i'll try to make it as simple as possible for everyone to understand :)

i guess everyone who reads my blog knows that i'm currently in Psychiatry posting
a posting which deals a lot with peoples mind and emotion and what not

so here goes

decades ago
a guy named Sigmund Freud came up with an adorable hypothesis to understand human's behaviours based on psychological forces
*i called it adorable =D*

figure :)
 the figure above simplifies my explanation below :)

our mind can be primarily divided into the conscious and subconscious area
and mingling inside both these areas were what i call as
The 3 Stooges

please meet 


individually, these 3 men/women plays different roles
they were born together when we were born
they grow up together with us

mr.ID *which stands for Instinctive Drive* can also be called nafsu or desire
he was the most primitive among these 3 men/women
the most animalistic
all he ever think was getting what he want
in any way possible
and he end up being aggressive whenever his needs or desires were not fulfilled
he lived all his life in the subconscious and rarely emerged into the conscious
making us unaware of his presence
however, when the desire was uncontrollable, you know where you'll find him :)

the second one was mr.Superego whom can also be called as iman or the good faith
most part of him stayed in the subconscious as well
in order to take care of mr.ID
whenever mr.ID came up with crazy ideas which does not go along with the beliefs of mr.Superego
he'll try to talk mr.ID out of it
that's why mr.ID rarely comes out

the last one is mr.Ego or also known as akal
most part of him stays in conscious part which keep us orientated to time,place and person
which help us in coordination and memory and stuffs that we are aware of every single day
the only part of him which stays in the subconscious is the defense mechanism
which only comes out in certain conditions which require us to defend ourselves
he is also the person whom make decision and action based on the discussion made by mr.ID and mr.Superego

so in reality
these 3 stooges controlled our behaviour

more figure :)

the figure above is basically a visual explanation on what happen every moment every day in our lives
it all depends on mr.Superego
if he's good and strong enough to tell mr.ID right from wrong
i strongly believe the world will be a happy place to live in

mind you that mr.ID is NOT all bad
he has good quality as well
when he desires something god like eating, bathing, studying and what not
mr.Superego will definitely support that idea
and mr.Ego will eventually implement them

in a nutshell
it all depends on how we develop our own mind
because these 3 stooges grow up together with us
if we feed them with good things
learn good things
wonder how things can go bad right?


Thursday, September 29, 2011



There's a place for us
Somewhere a place for us
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us

There's a time for us
Some day a time for us
Time together with time to spare
Time to look, time to care
Some day

We'll find a new way of living
We'll find a way of forgiving

There's a place for us
A time and place for us
Hold my hand and we're halfway there
Hold my hand and I'll take you there
Some day

as always
idina menzel & lea michele
were awesome


p/s : if you found that i'm talking nonsense, go find
glee season 3, episode 2 - i am unicorn
and watch it!
i've been replaying the scene again and again and again *currently still replaying*

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

dinner is served


hari ni duk rumah sorg2
diba & ira pg interfaith forum
faizah g study group
so here i am 

tp xsuke turun cafe mlm2 sorg2
so end up dgn decision ngan masak

masak ape?


i call this
"spagetti melayu kuno"

jgn tnye kenapa nama mcm tu
itu je yg terlintas dlm kepala

anyway, nk buat die senang je
cuma perlukan
*saya letak carrot, kacang buncis & cendawan*

cara die mcm nk goreng mee biasa tu je
ibu ckp main campak2 je
sbb skill memasak dtg dr experience
over da ni

nak makan




"this night is sparkling, dont you let it go
i'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
i'll spend forever, wondering if you knew
i was e.n.c.h.a.n.t.e.d to meet you"

i will skip everything i've written in the lost post
and get straight to business

the enchantedness of this post will be revealed by the pictures :)
*i am not sure if the word enchantedness exist*

reasons why my 2011Syawal is e.n.c.h.a.n.t.e.d
loved one

there isnt any picture of both of us sbb dia xblik this year
but we still celebrate the same Syawal :)

it was indeed enchanted, wasnt it?




okay kawan2
blogpost enchanted raya saya ilang!!

officially menyampah dgn blogpress :(


Tuesday, September 27, 2011

out of nothing


disebabkan bangun terlalu awal untuk pagi community service
inilah jadinya :P

some small memory came across my mind this morning
here goes

student : patient can hear what he thinks aloud - gedankenlautwerden
doctor : yup..that's correct..gedankenlautwerden is another term used for thoughts echo..but how did you all get that?were you bringing medical dictionary with you or something?
student : we googled
doctor : oh..i'm impressed!!

oh dont be dear doctor
blame the technology for making the fingers do the learning
not the brain
if you know what i mean

these days
even the medical students refuse to open books
wonder how the future looks like


~posted wtih love using BlogPress from my iPad

Wednesday, September 21, 2011



today is a stressful day
sangat stressful

i had my observed long case this morning for my psychiatry posting
and i confidently claimed that it was not one of my good performances
to be honest
mmg sedikit kecewa with what had happened

i was given a newly admitted patient for that assessment
patient was brought in by her father with complaint of abnormal behaviour for the past 2-3 weeks
she was talking to herself, laughing to herself, claiming that she could hear noises all around her, blablabla

there wasnt much problem with the clerking
the discussion afterward was terrible!!
i dont feel like sharing what happened here
just wanted to write something --"

after the observed long case came the SSM (special study module) part
there was so much to be done in such a short period of time
a lot of decision making in which honestly speaking, i am NOT fond of making decisions

then my gastritis came in
probably becausei didnt take my dinner last night leaving my stomach lining vulnerable to the acid and enzymes and what not


i considered myself lucky
very lucky

my supervisor for psychiatry posting is Prof (K) Dr Hatta which probably is the best psychiatrist around
he is kind and fatherly and helpful and understanding and all
but i feel bad when i couldnt answer some of his questions during my long case
i let you down prof, my apologies =(

i have awesome people in my SSM group and awesome supervisor and awesome doctors
without them my SSM project might not reach this far and i might end up with worse condition than i am now

*more sigh*

this post is basically how i feel today and a few days prior
many of you might wonder how the title come about

well, after some deep cenversation and thinking and referring to DSM-IV-TR
i considered myself eligible to self-diagnose myself with mild major depressive disorder

simply because :

1. ive been having anhedonia - loss of interest in most of the daily activities
2. ive have trouble sleeping - initial insomnia and fragmentation of sleep in which will leave me tired the very next day
3. ive been having trouble in concentrating in anything i do
4. ive been losing my appetite but not losing weight just yet
5. psychomotor retardation - i noticed that i have become slow in everyting i do or think

there are 5 criterias ive fulfilled to self-diagnose myself with that disorder
thank God i havent reach the point where there is suicidal ideation
hopefully not ever

this post might be some sort of calling-for-help note from me before i reach the point of no return

~ posted with lots of love using BlogPress from my iPad

Monday, September 12, 2011

i went jogging today

yup!!that title is for real!!


in the aftermath of my excitement going for jogging today
or should i say joggiwalking or jog-walking
here is my post about it

it all started because of this thingy!!

i went to aqeeda's house for raya last sunday
and actually planned to wear this kurung which i havent touched for 2 years

all of  you manage to guess correctly


for god sake
i was like biar betul xmuat
i even took off all the darts
*things that people sew on kurung to make it shapier, whatever*
and it still didnt fit me!!

okay people
you can close your mouth now

i know right
baju baru 2 tahun da xmuat
so intervention diperlukan!!
sebab tu la pg jogging hari ni

pagi ahad tu terus call ibu suruh bawak kasut
so that bole pg jogging :)

cukup cerita tu

 move on to today's jogging experience
sedang saya memaksa diri berjogging
dgn tidak semena2 ade seorg budak tergelincir dlm kolam
and ada sorg mamat ni yg tgh jogging jgk time tu
terjun dlm kolam tu utk selamatkn budak tu
terus mamat tu jd hensem 

tp serius
bole buat calon suami

azeezie, no offense =P

tu jela cite arini
mintk2 esok kuat semangat nk pg jogging lg 


p/s : anyway, those yg rase2 xpercaya saya pg jogging today, i have PROOF!!

i know it seems gross..but who cares =D

Saturday, September 10, 2011



ini post pertama yang ditaip menggunakan skrin sentuh
terasa excited semacam je
*woot woot*

mungkin lepas ni akan lebih rajin update
mungkin la

serius seronok
walaupun to be honest taip gne keyboard missV saya lagi senang
atau mungkin jari saya yg terlampau gemuk utk skrin iPad ni
mungkin la

xabis seronok lagi ni
nk sambung seronok sendiri sorg2 =D

~ posted with lots of love using BlogPress from my iPad

Thursday, August 4, 2011



seperti biasa bila puasa kat rumah
saya la yg jadi tukang decide ape nk masak tiap2 hari
*besides gulai abah yang wajib ada tu kan*

so today decide nk buat potato salad
xpenah buat pun before this
so cuba jaya jela
hehe..xdela susah pun actually :)

cuma perlu ini


dan ini

maka terbentukla ini

mungkin agak kurang sopan kalau memuji makanan sendiri
tp sedap sungguh
xexpect sedap mcm ni
woot woot
*oke..agak over di situ*

itu jela sbnrnye