i'm colour-blind, so what?

i was sort of relieved today

knowing that i can still do medicine even though i'm colour-blind

*seriously i am*

**and it's colour vision impairment to be precise and not blind as i can still see colours and know them**

i remember the day i got my rubella injection when i was in standard one

that was the first time a laid my eyes on the ishihara chart

*it's a booklet containing a lot of pictures with lots of colours and a hidden thing inside*

i remember my classmates during that time telling me the 8 when what i see on the chart is 3

and i remember the nurse told me this,

"adik ni rabun warna agaknye"

but i didnt care at all at that time

until

11 years later

when i failed my computer test in order to get driving license

i remember crying by the roadside waiting for my father to get me home

the feeling i felt at that particular moment was indescribable

it was totally frustrating

like totally totally totally frustrating

that i dont mind other people who saw me crying anymore

eventhough i was medically given permission to get my driving license later on by registered practitioner

and have my own license to this very day

but knowing the fact that there are colours others can see and differentiate which i cant

knowing that i am lacking something so basic

still brought me to tears sometimes

*******

but today's practical which is on special senses changes things for me

when i first read the manual and realised that there are some visual tests *including colour vision* will be done

i was *honestly speaking* depressed

i start imagining stupid things

i was scared that i will be banished from this medical world forever because of the defect that i have

i was scared if colour blind people CANNOT become doctors and i need to change my field

what should i do then?

my friend, sarinah kept telling me that there will be no problem being colour-blind

and there are those who have impairment in their colour vision

and still become successful doctors today

but that fact doesnt soothe me down

i even woke up this morning thinking that today will be my last day in this medical school and blood supply of the brain will be the last thing i will be learning

when i entered the lab this morning

i promised myself that i wont even mention about my visual impairment

and i WONT touch the ishihara chart

but i realised that running away from the fact isnt the solution

because it had been stuck on me from the day i was born and till the day i die

so i went on looking at the chart

above all plates, i can only figure out the first one correctly

the 2nd up to the 7th plate, i see differently from the normal ones

and for the rest of the plates, i can only see dots of colours and nothing else

when we begin our discussion on colour vision

i never plan to volunteer myself if in any case doctor ask us

i will only keep myself quiet

little did i know

Allah had prepared something else for me

when my doctor *the doctor in charge of our lab* open the second plate of the ishihara chart

*the plate below is the second plate*

she asked everyone,

"so, what do you see in this plate"

and everyone *except me* answered,

"number 8"

then she suddenly said,

"well, i dont see number 8 in this one. i see number 3"

the moment she said that

i looked up at her and involuntarily put up my hand and blurted out,

"doctor, saya pun nmpk 3 jugak"

then every heads turn upon me

*at least i expect this one*

then she asked me,

"awk colour-blind ke?"

i just nodded and she asked several more questions about my family and stuff

i dont care about anything at that moment

all i care is that

i'm not alone

she's in front of me

she's a woman

she's colour-blind

and most importantly

she's a medical doctor

and i'm relieved and grateful of that fact

Alhamdulillah

thank you Allah

you might see number 8 in the figure above

but i see number 3

so what?

till then

with tears pride

p/s :

i have faith that Allah is the fairest of all and it is proved today!!

eventhough my colour vision is impaired, i have visual acuity of 6/4

and i'm thankful of that~~