Thursday, February 11, 2010

i'm colour-blind, so what?


i was sort of relieved today
knowing that i can still do medicine even though i'm colour-blind
*seriously i am*
**and it's colour vision impairment to be precise and not blind as i can still see colours and know them**

i remember the day i got my rubella injection when i was in standard one
that was the first time a laid my eyes on the ishihara chart
*it's a booklet containing a lot of pictures with lots of colours and a hidden thing inside*
i remember my classmates during that time telling me the 8 when what i see on the chart is 3
and i remember the nurse told me this,
"adik ni rabun warna agaknye"
but i didnt care at all at that time


until


11 years later
when i failed my computer test in order to get driving license
i remember crying by the roadside waiting for my father to get me home
the feeling i felt at that particular moment was indescribable
it was totally frustrating
like totally totally totally frustrating
that i dont mind other people who saw me crying anymore

eventhough i was medically given permission to get my driving license later on by registered practitioner
and have my own license to this very day
but knowing the fact that there are colours others can see and differentiate which i cant
knowing that i am lacking something so basic
still brought me to tears sometimes

*******

but today's practical which is on special senses changes things for me

when i first read the manual and realised that there are some visual tests *including colour vision* will be done
i was *honestly speaking* depressed
i start imagining stupid things
i was scared that i will be banished from this medical world forever because of the defect that i have
i was scared if colour blind people CANNOT become doctors and i need to change my field
what should i do then?

my friend, sarinah kept telling me that there will be no problem being colour-blind
and there are those who have impairment in their colour vision
and still become successful doctors today
but that fact doesnt soothe me down
i even woke up this morning thinking that today will be my last day in this medical school and blood supply of the brain will be the last thing i will be learning

when i entered the lab this morning
i promised myself that i wont even mention about my visual impairment
and i WONT touch the ishihara chart

but i realised that running away from the fact isnt the solution
because it had been stuck on me from the day i was born and till the day i die
so i went on looking at the chart
above all plates, i can only figure out the first one correctly
the 2nd up to the 7th plate, i see differently from the normal ones
and for the rest of the plates, i can only see dots of colours and nothing else

when we begin our discussion on colour vision
i never plan to volunteer myself if in any case doctor ask us
i will only keep myself quiet

little did i know
Allah had prepared something else for me

when my doctor *the doctor in charge of our lab* open the second plate of the ishihara chart
*the plate below is the second plate*
she asked everyone,
"so, what do you see in this plate"
and everyone *except me* answered,
"number 8"
then she suddenly said,
"well, i dont see number 8 in this one. i see number 3"

the moment she said that
i looked up at her and involuntarily put up my hand and blurted out,
"doctor, saya pun nmpk 3 jugak"

then every heads turn upon me
*at least i expect this one*
then she asked me,
"awk colour-blind ke?"
i just nodded and she asked several more questions about my family and stuff

i dont care about anything at that moment
all i care is that
i'm not alone

she's in front of me
she's a woman
she's colour-blind
and most importantly
she's a medical doctor

and i'm relieved and grateful of that fact

Alhamdulillah
thank you Allah

you might see number 8 in the figure above
but i see number 3

so what?


till then


with tears pride



p/s :

i have faith that Allah is the fairest of all and it is proved today!!
eventhough my colour vision is impaired, i have visual acuity of 6/4
and i'm thankful of that~~

15 comments:

sarinah said...

Takdir yg mletakkan Prof. Zaiton kat lab nadhira, so hari ini is officially, 'the end of nadhira's depression and anxiety about this vision defect that you have'!yeayy!

seriously rse lega nadhira xnangis kuar dr lab... :D

fUyUki said...

nadiah like this!

nadhira khairudin said...

sarinah : yeay!!thanks sarinah for the email and everything you did to calm me down! =D

nadiah : nadhira likes this too! =D

n A j w A e said...

jauh nye awk pk nad
sampai kluar medical school!
prof raymond yg hebat kan color blind jugak
u gotta be one of those great ppl in d future, insyaAllah

sume ade kkurangan including me :D
so no worries lah kn srg? hehe

psycho5d said...

nad!
norfaidhi akram likes this post...
hey girl, jgn la depress..everyone ada kelemahan sendr..ramai org yg akan support ko nad..dont worry...

p/s: ko still leh differentiate warna darah kan? ;P

FaDhLi said...

chaiyo2!

keetat said...

great to hear that u overcome it..
yah..dun let it to stop u from become a better person....
gambatte=)
u got many others strong qualities that can made u become a successful person...
=)

nadhira khairudin said...

sye sgt beruntung dikuniakn org keliling yg sgt supportive!!
heart you all!!

najwa : sye mmg agak begitu...bley da start fkir merepek..kemerepekan tu akn jd severe kalau x di"overcome"~~

faidhi : of course la..kalau xknal merah pun,general knowledge kot darah itu merah kan??!!! =D

fadhli : yeay!!i will~~

keetat : it took me some time to overcome also..but did it anyway~~

siti yumni said...

saye pun mcm nmpk 3 je...hahahaha :))

nadhira khairudin said...

kakme : haha...awak jge rabun warna nmpknye~~~ =P

n_myza said...

nad .... mizah pun like this !!!!
ALLAH MAHA ADIL
kurang satu dr yg laen tp lebih satu part yg laen pulak
chaiyok2 nad!!!!

hye said...

=)

shadeANDshadowers said...

waahh.same with me!!tapi versi lain cket la.dulu after spm da frust gile nk jadi arkitek.sbb lpas tgk requirement utk masuk utm architecture school;kne pass color blind test dulu..nseb dpt u lain..haha.

alhamdullillah.skrg wlupun color blind. i'm always have a better design than my friend who r not color blind.

i'm also good at painting.(perasan giler.lalala~)dah biase tertukar color.solutionnye label besor2 color tuh.haha..Alhamdulillah, finally i'm still got A1 for my SPM & best student for the subject.

mase test for driving license, i tanye orang sebelah.dapat full mark kot!haha.impossible kalo wat snirik bnde tu.Allah maha adil.cuma kite je x sdar kte ade kelebihan yg orang lain xde.=)

hueychieng said...

hey huey chieng here!

so touched reading ur post :')
i remember crying by the roadside after failing the driving computer test too (not colour blind though) crossing the road like i'm d only one on earth..

i've fren who is colour blind doing medicine too. thanks for letting me understand ur feelings. i can feel ur fear..

cheer up!!! i know u can do it!! ^_^

jack said...

wow....im touched...me too colour blind....im a med student and i suck at all the basic colour reactions others identify...just get me frustrated..well now im dealing....and ur post was kinda inspiring